What’s Love Got To Do With Keeping in Shape and Staying Healthy?
Why do some people go the extra mile to look after their health. Why do some people have that determination and discipline to do so? It could very much depend on which level of love one is operating at. A wise old man, Bernard of Clairvaux came up with a very fascinating essay on the 4 levels of love. Apparently everyone is operating at either one of these levels. This essay provides a fascinating analogy as to why people do and do not bother about their health and well-being. Read more about the 4-levels and you will be enlightened.
1st Level of Love – I love me for my sake
(Courtesy of stock.xchng by Shune)
This is the selfish kind of love that all of us are born with. As babies, this is the only kind of love that all of us know. Babies only think of themselves. They want parents and everyone else to exist just to contribute to their lives. They cry, rant and rave and are totally inconsiderate of others. But this is a phase that we must all go through and grow out of. I am sure you know many who are still stuck in this phase even as adults! Adults in this phase think that everyone around them exist to serve them.
2nd Level of Love – I love you for my sake
(Courtesy of stock.xchng by penywise)
Anyone moving from the 1st level will need to go through the 2nd level. In this plane one thinks as follows; “If I want what is best for me, then I will love and take care of the one who can do more for me than I can do for myself.” And apparently a lot of people reside in this level of love.
Lets look at an example. The husband provides for his wife very well. She owes all the comforts in life because her husband can provide her with it. She in-turn, takes care of him because he is the goose who lays the golden eggs. Without her husband, this woman would loose everything. She loves her husband for her sake.
Or what about a child who loves his or her rich parent because he provides for her well and would not want to be left out of the estate when this parent passes away. This child too loves the parent for her sake!
3rd Level of Love – I love you for your sake
(Courtesy of stock.xchng by dynamix)
For a lot of people, this seems to be the highest form of love. A form of selflessness that very few can achieve. Imagine loving and serving another for their sake! And sadly, this is where most parents reside in their love for their children! They love and serve only their children selflessly without bothering to love and serve themselves. I know some who would religiously give their children vitamins & medicine when necessary and yet not return the favour upon themselves. The lives of these parents orbit around a single entity and this is the child.
“I can’t exercise because it takes time away from my kids”, they say! This is the single reason why a lot of well meaning people don’t take care of themselves.
4th Level of Love – I love me for your sake
(Courtesy of stock.xchng by Spanishale)
Take some time to digest this point. “I love me for your sake”. According to Bernhard, this is the highest form of love that anyone can achieve.
“I love and take care of myself so that you don’t have to! I love and take care of myself so that I can be around and take care of my kids!”
This is not being selfish! This is being very benevolent. Who is going to take care of a young family when the father gets a heart-attack?
Does it not make sense to look after one’s self, to take time out to exercise, to be careful with one’s diet, so that one will always be around to care and nurture for his or her children?
Which Level of Love Are you Operating At?
Imagine a person who exercises with a bad conditioned pair of shoes because he does not want to spend money on himself. He rather spend it on the family or the children. So what happens to this person when he eventually gets knee problems. Isn’t the burden falling unfairly on the family and children to look after him?
What about individuals who look for quick gratification. These individuals could be operating at the 1st of 2nd levels of love. Falling prey to all types of immediate temptations and neglecting health and well-being. What happens to the family and kids when this person suddenly gets afflicted with diabetes or worst still, dies of a heart attack. Was it smart to neglect oneself so much!
Love Your Self And Be Selfless to Others
The message here is not to be selfish, but to love yourself first and still be selfless! The message here is to care for yourself so that you can be selflessly there for everyone else. This could be the highest form of benevolence.
So the next time a thought comes to your mind, telling you that you don’t want to exercise or take care of yourself because you don’t have time, that is the gravest injustice you can commit towards your loved ones!
If you have read “First Things First” by Stephen Covey, he stresses on the importance of setting time to sharpen the saw. This means taking time to renew oneself physically (exercise), spiritually, mentally (meditation/reading/etc.)
So please love yourselves and take care your selves for you kids and family’s sake!
Tags: 4 levels of love, Bernard of Clairvaux, First Thing’s First, Steven Covey, weight loss
Paramjit Sidhu
Jasvin
sureshvelauthan
balachin
I had not heard this…and Bernard of Clairveaux is my confirmation saint! This scale makes perfect sense the way you lay it out, but I’m having a little trouble pinpointing where I am on the scale. At my worst times, I act like a one. Sometimes I think like a four but a good deal of the time I live like a two. Three, not so much since I don’t have children yet.
Paramijit – you’ve got a good blog run going here. Good writing, nice posts, interesting topics. Keep it up!
I wish I could write this well! great blog thanks.
Beautifully written and so true!
This article resonates with me. I’ve always felt that I need to take care of myself because I don’t want others to have to worry about me at anytime.
I will send this to my mom. She was giving us lame excuses and giving in to distractions so that she could skip going for her daily walks yesterday!
Hi Vanitha. Thanks for the comments and I am glad you found it useful.
I love me for your sake! Yes, Paramjit.. this was the point I was trying to make too. How can we love and care for others when we do not feel that way towards ourselves. Many people live a life giving excuses coz they are too lazy and do not make the time to do something about their health and looks. They expect to be loved the way they are. But the question is, do these people love themselves? And why criticize those who do? Sad indeed. This is a great article. Thank you. Love your blog.
Glad you liked the article. This comes as a revelation to many people. They think that selflessly putting other before themselves is a good thing. A lot of people had “AHA” moments from this article as you can see from the comments. Thank you for your feedback and comments.